Are You Being Bullied at Work? 5 Signs to Watch For
“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”
Picture this: you're hitting snooze for the third time on Monday morning, a pit of dread in your stomach as you think about that one particular coworker. Or maybe you find yourself losing sleep on Sunday nights, tossing and turning. If work is filling you with this kind of anxiety, it's time to take a hard look at why. Workplace bullying is a serious problem disguised in water-cooler gossip and "tough boss" excuses. But here's the thing: it's not about you.
In a study conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute, 37 per cent of workers have been bullied, with 57 per cent of the targets being women. The majority of bullies (72 per cent) are people in positions of authority. Whereas peer bullies are less frequent at 18 per cent. Worse, statistics show these bullies don’t pick on the new guy, but long-term, well-established employees. The most common victims are women in their 40s.
Sign 1: Criticism Takes a Mean Turn
Everyone needs feedback sometimes, right? But it gets nasty when the comments stop being about your work and start being about you.
Example 1:
Bully: Publicly shaming you in a meeting – "I don't know why I bother giving you important tasks anymore."
Healthy: Addressing the error privately – "There's a mistake on slide 5. Let's figure out how to avoid similar errors in the future.
Example 2:
Bully: Focusing entirely on past mistakes – "Remember how you messed up that report last quarter? This is starting to feel familiar."
Healthy: Balanced feedback – "This is strong work, but it would be even better if... Let's also celebrate that you've improved a lot since..."
Example 3:
Bully: Mocking your questions – "Seriously? We covered this last week. Were you even paying attention?"
Healthy: Patient explanations – "No problem, let's go over it again. Sometimes hearing things a second time helps it stick."
See the difference? One focuses on improvement, the other aims to make you feel small.
Sign 2: Suddenly, You're the Invisible Teammate
The lunch invites stop coming. Your name gets "accidentally" left off the big project email. It might initially feel accidental, but deliberate social exclusion is classic bully behaviour. The goal is to make you feel isolated and like you don't belong.
Example 1:
Bully: Deliberate exclusion – planning project lunches without you.
Healthy: Inclusive planning – "Hey, we're grabbing lunch to brainstorm. Want to join us?"
Example 2:
Bully: Withholding information you need to work.
Healthy: Transparent communication – "Project requirements changed, see the updated document. Let me know if you have any questions."
Example 3:
Bully: Stealing credit for your work.
Healthy: Acknowledging contributions – "This project succeeded thanks to everyone's hard work, especially [your name]'s efforts on..."
Sign 3: Your Work Life Becomes a Maze
You're getting impossible deadlines, make-work projects or projects without the stuff you need to actually do them, and your ideas mysteriously end up credited to someone else. A bully plays dirty, undermining your ability to succeed so they can swoop in and look like the hero (or just make you feel incompetent).
Example 1:
Bully: Sabotaging your success by withholding promised resources.
Healthy: Providing adequate support – "What resources do you need to get this done? Let's ensure you have everything."
Example 2:
Bully: Imposing impossible deadlines.
Healthy: Realistic expectations – "This is time-sensitive, but I understand the workload. Can we prioritize what needs to be done first?
Example 3:
Bully: "Helping" in a way that introduces errors.
Healthy: Collaborative support – "I'm happy to proofread before you submit, if that helps catch any typos."
Sign 4: Big Brother is Watching (Only You)
Every workplace has rules and oversight, but this level of scrutiny goes way beyond normal. Your every move is questioned, every email dissected, all while Janice over in Accounting sends those gossip-filled group chats without a care in the world. A bully thrives on making you feel constantly under a microscope. This constant scrutiny makes you feel like you can't do anything right, while your coworkers are free to work without this pressure.
Sign 5: That Nagging Gut Feeling
Listen to your body. If work is making you physically anxious – headaches, stomach trouble, panic attacks – that's a red flag brighter than a clown's nose. The Sunday Scaries are real for a lot of people, but they shouldn't ruin your whole weekend. Bullying-induced anxiety goes beyond the normal "case of the Mondays" stress. In my case, I experience insomnia, brain fog, loss of appetite, anxiety and depression. Bold and immediate intervention was needed to address my rapidly declining mental and physical health.
This isn't just feeling nervous about a presentation or a busy week. This anxiety seeps into every part of your life, making it hard to function even when you're not at work.
Bullying-induced anxiety goes far beyond typical work stress:
Sleep Disruption: "You lie awake staring at the ceiling, replaying the bully's comments over and over. When you finally drift off, you wake up in a cold sweat from nightmares about missed deadlines or confrontation."
Physical Manifestations: "The Sunday Scaries transform into actual nausea and headaches. Your appetite changes, and you find yourself feeling constantly on edge, even during time off."
Intrusive Thoughts: "Even trying to relax with loved ones becomes impossible. Your mind keeps returning to work, anticipating the next attack or dreading upcoming projects."
Impact on Overall Well-being: "The stress doesn't disappear when you walk out the door. You've become irritable, withdrawn, and find it hard to enjoy your usual hobbies."
Bullied workers cannot perform their jobs to the best of their ability. Performance issues include:
Inability to work or concentrate
Losee of self-esteem
Trouble making decisions
Lower productivity
Bullied workers not only lose motivation, they lose time because they are preoccupied with:
Avoiding the bully
Networking for support
Making plans to deal with the situation
Ruminating about the situation
Trying to defend themselves
Targets of bullying feel a sense of isolation. Workplace bullying can leave the victim so traumatized that they feel powerless, disoriented, confused and helpless.
What To Do: A Quick Guide
Protect Yourself: The most crucial step is documentation. Start a log (ideally off company devices) with dates, times, what happened, and if anyone witnessed the behaviour. This isn't about pettiness, it's about protecting yourself should you need to take further action.
You're Not Alone: Bullying thrives on isolation. Is there a trusted colleague, mentor, or even someone outside work you can talk to? Having support makes a huge difference in coping and deciding on next steps.
Using Your Workplace: If your company has an HR department, familiarize yourself with their policies on harassment and bullying before approaching them. In some cases, starting with a trusted manager (if you have one) can be a safer first step. Remember, not all workplaces are equipped to handle this well, which is why external resources are important.
Help Is Out There: Seek out organizations and legal counsel for immediate support, guidance on your rights, and help navigating legal options if necessary. Don't be afraid to reach out, even if you are unsure what to do next.
Your Mental Health Matters: Bullying has a severe impact on well-being. Don't ignore this. Speak with your primary health practitioner. Seeking therapy or joining a support group can be crucial, even while you figure out how to address the situation at work.
Important Note: These actions require immense bravery when you're already feeling attacked. Remember, seeking support isn't a weakness—it's taking control. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, so if certain steps (like immediately leaving your job) feel impossible, focus on documentation and finding help to explore your options safely.
Need Help? Here's Where to Start:
Nibble Nation, we need to talk about workplace bullying. It's more common than we think, and its effects are serious. If this article hits close to home, know that you're not alone.
Let's break the silence:
Share your experiences (safely) in the comments.
Tag a friend who might need to hear this.
Spread the word – this article could be the first step toward change for someone.
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